"The time has come," the Walrus said...

... "to talk of many things..." But honestly, what self-respecting fan of all things obscure wouldn't know how to finish my title statement? I mean, come on... The Walrus and The Carpenter. One of the most poetically political statements of the past 200 years. It pretty much sums up the outlook that I have on life... There's always someone, or something, bigger than you, ready to take advantage.

As I sit here at work, verging on the edge of an as-of-yet unexplained emotional breakdown, I can't help but think about the "something greater". What universal karmic entity jerks us around, throws us to the ground and spits in our eye? Perhaps my questions are too philosophical. Perhaps I should just "roll with the flow" of the cosmos, accept the things I can not change, change the things I can, and not worry about the difference.

I have spent much time, as of late, remembering the past: high school, happier family, friends lost, loves lost. So many things of my past I regret, and yet they define me, they mold me into what I am now, so should it be a surprise that, upon looking at myself in the mirror, I do not understand what I see? If, in fact, our actions define us, then I'd prefer not to read the dictionary, afraid of what I might see.

Me thinks my unhappiness is a simple product of my ability at sabotage. On numerous occasions I have destroyed friendships, and lovers all for petty, obscure and irrelevant reasons. Do I, upon a closer look, deserve the happiness that I so desire? Does anyone? Is our own personal happiness a story we write, or are our lives spinning around in the universal food processor, with that ever elusive "bully" up there in the sky pressing chop, blend or shred?

I need to work out more.